Parenting by the Book

Last week Wynn said he thought we should take a parenting class. Now when Wynn says something like that what he's really saying is "Heather, will you take care of that for me," but good wife that I am I checked out from the library a parenting book I had heard about and read through it last night.

Can I just say I hate parenting books? Who are these people that think they have all the answers for every situation? If I ever read a book that said "Here are some ideas that might work but you know your kids best and good luck" - that's a book I would take seriously. Instead they say the same things everyone knows - don't lose your temper, don't threaten if you can't follow through, give your children choices and let them experience the consequences - but they give it a cool name and act like if you follow their book you'll never make another mistake again. And then they never address what to do if what they say doesn't work. Two examples I was frustrated about in this book: first, when a preschooler won't get ready for preschool/daycare but you don't want to be late for work you are supposed to tell the time they must be ready by and tell them they can get in the car dressed or not dressed, but this is the time you are leaving. At that time you put them in the car in their pajamas if they are not dressed. They are supposed to care about this. What if they don't? I fight with Ella every time we leave the house because she wants to wear her pajamas. Should I just let her wear her pajamas until she cares? That could be years. The book went on to suggest that when your child gets to daycare and they aren't dressed yet you should tell the worker to not let your child participate until they are dressed. Isn't that just passing on the problem?

My second problem was with older kids getting ready for school. You are not supposed to remind them to get ready for school because that would undermine their self-confidence. You are supposed to let them deal with the consequences of being late. Well, if my boys don't get ready on time they miss the bus. I would have to drive them. They would prefer this. The book then says parents aren't responsible for the consequences, but they shouldn't save their children from the consequences the school gives. At my kids' school the consequence for being late is the parent has to sign in the late child. Yes, I can see Ryan rushing extra hard in the morning to escape that dire fate. In the book example at the end the boy realizes if he continues being slow in the morning he risks being held back in school. What? At what school are you held back a grade for lateness? I can actually, after reading this think of some good possible consequences, but I'm irritated that the book never considers that their logic doesn't always follow.

I just had parent/teacher conferences yesterday and Ryan's teacher told me I really need to do more spelling studying with Ryan because he only got an 87% in spelling. This was after I explained we discussed with Ryan that he is responsible for the grades he gets and the effort he puts into it. Apparently she hasn't read this book, because she told me I shouldn't be leaving that up to Ryan. According to the book I'm just supposed to say "Hmm...you got an 87% in spelling. What are you going to do about that?" and leave it at that. Ryan will then learn the consequences of an 87% in spelling, realize he is suffering because it could be higher, and choose to study more. If I could think of a single bad consequence for that grade that might work.

Anyway, this has been a long ranting post and I am hesitate to publish it, but I feel better now. I think the worst part of reading the book was that I did get some ideas that I found useful, despite all its problems. How annoying.